More Crimes for Which the International Criminal Court May Issue Arrest Warrants
"The ICC won't let me be" – Slim Shady (probably)
“Israeli officials are expressing concern that the International Criminal Court is considering arrest warrants for senior government leaders.” — NPR
Illegitimate Seizure of Land: Israeli hostages, for illegally occupying Hamas terror tunnels
Crimes Against Edibility: Jews who serve store-bought hummus
Littering: Hamas, for misfired rockets that landed in Gaza
Crimes Against Edibility: Ashkenazi Jews who eat kitniyot on Pesach
Assault and Battery: The Iron Dome, for shooting down Hamas rockets
Reckless Endangerment of a Child: Ben Gvir’s car, for running a red light
Obstructing Peace Deliberations: The car Ben Gvir crashed into, for not killing Ben Gvir
Misdemeanor Property Destruction: Hamas operatives, for using civilian infrastructure to wage war
Genocide: IDF soldiers, for killing Hamas operatives who use civilian infrastructure to wage war
Breaking and Entering: Elijah the Prophet, for unauthorized access to several million seders
Aiding and Abetting Genocide: Abortion-rights activists, for supporting causes that help reelect the Zionist Joe Biden
Crime of Cultural Appropriation: Mitpachot (Jewish, female headscarves), for vaguely looking like keffiyehs
Zionist Propagandizing: Nazis, for undermining the concept that Jews are White oppressors
Posthumously Resisting Arrest: Theodor Herzl, for avoiding potential arrest warrants by being dead
Crime of the Yente: Jews who talk between Kiddush and Hamotzi
Aiding and Abetting Property Destruction: US, for vetoing UN resolution to declare Hamas terror tunnels historic sites exempt from destruction
Disorderly Conduct: Hamas members, for the Oct. 7th massacre
Obstructing Hamas War Operations: Palestinian civilians, for using Hamas resistance fighters as human shields
Obstructing Hamas War Operations: IDF, for accidentally killing hostages i.e. perfectly good human bait
Crime of Zionism: Palestinian Peace activists, for encouraging normalization with Israel, advocating for Palestinian liberation through diplomacy, and supporting a two-state solution antithetical to the destruction of Israel
Crime of Bastardry: Netanyahu (open-and-shut case)
Obstructing Hamas War Operations: ICC, for issuing arrest warrants to Hamas leaders